Sexuality

Looking To Fulfill Your Unusual Sexual Fantasy? — Here’s How

Free your kinks and send your fears away.

Who’s in charge of your sexual pleasure?

That’s a hell of a question. Sometimes our most unusual sexual fantasies seem impossible to accept, let alone fulfill. If you’re ready to change that, there are two essential skills you’ll need to master: negotiation and self-awareness.

Good instincts and reasoning play an essential role in our possibilities to conquer almost everything in life. Let’s say we want something. Anything.

Well, we have to work hard until we get it. Then, for a brief moment, we can savor the joy of accomplishment and press repeat. In a nutshell, that’s life for most of us.

When it comes to sexual intercourse, things can get a bit… hard. After getting through the sometimes awkward moment of explaining what you’re into, convincing another person that what you like will be pleasant and exciting for both of you is the next task on the list.

How to turn your repressed wishes into reality? Following these simple steps is a great starting point.

1. What is that “weird” thing you’re into?

The main leading causes of sexual dissatisfaction are guilt and shame. However, there’s a substantial difference between having a fantasy, wanting to make it real, and effectively crossing it from your bucket list.

Having a sexual fantasy means a specific scenario or practice makes your sexual radar go into overdrive. We all should have the confidence to share our kinky side without living with the fear of breaking our relationships apart.

The mere fact internet is full of erotic comics, professional videos, amateur representations, and kinky literature set the powerful precedent that you aren’t alone in that quest for deviant pleasures.

I guess you could think your fantasy is particularly creepy, icky and that anyone who finds out what you like would be disappointed, perhaps scared, even horrified to be having such a conversation with you. But, according to this study, not only are they common, but yours also aren’t as special as you might think.

I know true intimacy can be scary. Sharing our most personal details with our partners doesn’t come as naturally as it should. Yet, open communication, honesty, and empathy should be the basis of any couple.

On the other hand, you would be amazed at how a little bit of honesty and openness can help you set your relationship in motion to a more playful, satisfactory, and exciting place.

Repeat after me:

• There’s nothing wrong with sex.
• Everyone has unusual sexual fantasies.
• I have the right to feel pleasure.
• Communicating my desires isn’t offensive. It’s just accepting who I truly am.
• I‘m worthy of love.

2. Honesty can lead you to sexual empowerment:

Once you’ve accepted that your fantasies and kinks are worth sharing, finding someone who resonates with your level of openness will be much easier.

Many of us bought that being successful means trying everything with everyone, but the results are usually much less satisfactory than expected.

In the end, having an exciting sex life isn’t about how many sexual partners you have. A healthy and fulfilling sex life is about the connection you can build with your sexual partners, even if we’re talking about a one-night stand.

How much frustration have we felt over people who surprised us in every possible way, not only in bed?

If you have a treasured fantasy -one of those that makes you hold back a little moan just by thinking about it- experimenting it with someone that can actually light your boudoir metaphorical fireworks.

Trusting your play pal is essential so that your fantasy doesn’t end up repressed and being put back into the drawer.

It was a pleasant surprise for my husband and me to realize we had similar kinks. Sex is essential in every relationship, and we addressed our fantasies a couple of months after we started dating.

As we were long-distancing at the time, that strengthened our bond and helped us understand how special our relationship was (and still is). Everyone deserves to be heard and respected, no matter how “weird” they are.

3.Find out about what you want to do.

The next step on the list is doing a little bit of research. Shopping for what you need, looking for the perfect place, and gathering the necessary information to get the best results.

Can you adapt your sexual fantasy ideal and make it a more feasible reality? Which details could use a slight twitch? Are you ready to feel like a porn star?

Think, for example, ropes, one of the most accessible devices to sprinkle some fun into your life. Shibari looks fascinating, but it’s called an art for a reason.

The intricate designs you can achieve with the right rope are more than exciting; they can also be dangerous when you don’t have the experience to assess the tension, duration, and placement of a knot.

Why not assist a BDSM convention first? Take some classes, learn everything about safety measures, and become an expert before tying the knot. That could help both of you feeling reassured when hanging upside down in your next rendezvous.

4.Revisit the basics

Maybe you weren’t expecting to find this here, but mastering so-called “vanilla sex” is vital to fulfilling your sexual fantasies.

Unless your fantasy is about masturbation, at least one other person plays an essential role in your recreational sex session.

Mastering the basic principles of pleasure can do wonders to enhance communication, and it can also give you both the necessary knowledge of your partner’s sexual needs.

5.Learn to take no for an answer:

Yes, this is a possibility you should always keep in mind. But it is just that, a possibility. If your partner refuses even to consider your request, there are several things you could reflect upon:

• Communication between the 2 of you might improve, and that rejection could become an opportunity to revisit in the future.
• Negotiating is also part of a couple’s dynamic. Is there something that your partner would also like to try? Anything you could offer to do for them in the bedroom?
• Does opening up to your partner make them question what your sexual fantasy says about your personality? Did you feel heard or rejected?

Returning to the part of cherry-picking the person you could share your fantasies with, having an intimate relationship with a narrow-minded individual could not be the best path to a fulfilling life.

All I’m saying is that a relationship should feel more like a playground and less like a prison. Check how you feel about this and revisit your strategy, and maybe even your relationship.

6. Open yourself to new experiences:

I’m calling out to whoever might be having a conversation like this with their lover. If your partner’s “abnormal sexual fantasy” doesn’t put your health, integrity, or feelings at risk, c’mon, give it a shot!

Cover your feet with frosting, buy those handcuffs, slip into that latex! New additions to your sex life can highly improve your relationship, self-confidence, and potential future gratification.

7. Being kinky can help you bond:

Sexual fantasies evolve as your personality develops. Only after we are on our twenty-something birthday, our sexual identity gets consolidated.

During adolescence, our bodies go through millions of processes that transform us and fill us with curiosity. This is why it is far more common for us to experiment wildly with our sexuality when we are still too young to understand what we are doing.

However, the desire for non-monogamous sexual experiences increases with the years. Fantasizing about attending a swinger party becomes more attractive when you’ve been committed to a monogamous relationship for a long time.

The fact that our sexual fantasies evolve and change with age, hormonal processes, and that they vary from one person to another says a lot about the idea of ​​what “normal sex” is: a subjective assessment of pleasure.

8. We have sex to have fun, let’s finally accept that:

Nowadays, we have apps, remote-controlled sex toys, and condoms. Sex for leisure is the norm. That is, we venture out and consent to have sex with the idea of ​​reaching climax.

Studies carried out during this year of quarantine indicate that we continue to prefer physical sex. Despite the number of gadgets and online options, human contact continues to rule supreme in searching for pleasure.

“Non-monogamy fantasies tend to increase with age.” — Justin Lehmiller

9. So, what is a weird sexual fantasy after all?

Being kinky is a subjective assessment of another person’s sexual interests. We refer to another person as kinky when they enjoy doing things that we find taboo, even bizarre, but still attractive in many cases.

If a person doesn’t enjoy the same type of sex we do, does that make them boring? I think not.

If your partner invites you to try something new, you have the right to think twice before saying yes. But also, you can commit to giving it a try, skinny dipping into the viraginous perversion of enjoying sex without guilt.

Participating in orgies, having your nipples pierced, or being trained as part of a fetishistic ritual makes you great in bed? If it were that easy, dungeons would have lines of people as long as the ones at Apple stores queuing up for the latest iPhone.

Yes, trying everything life has to offer isn’t as good as it sounds.

But is it worth it?

With the right person(s), I would say: yes, most definitely, yes.